I Am Nothing
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HERE IS A COMEDIC NIGHTMARE.
Here is a new video I wrote and directed. Maybe you would like to watch it?
Featuring: Meryl Hathaway, Toni Charline, Hesley Harps, Zoe Jarman, Alison Rich & Nick Clark.
Produced by Hesley Harps, shot by Will Carnahan, gaffing by Jose Ibarra, AC: Maya Bernau, sound: Andrew Congdon, makeup by Nikki Lee Marrone, costume design by Ellie Smith, sound design by Alfred Montejano, color by Phil Dennison. Thanks to Sean Bury and Molly Peters for the use of their house. Baby appears courtesy of Eric Toms.
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(via subpixels)
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(via subpixels)
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@Horse_ebook’s most retweeted tweets (in order)
- Worms – oh my god WORMS
- “This is not acceptable!” I screamed as Kathy drowned
- Is the dance floor calling? No
- Ask your dumbass friends if they know of a reputable artist.
- You re About To Discover A Career Opportunity Where You Will NEVER Be Laid
- NO-ONE should have to go through what I did just to build a simple koi pond
- Want to unlock the hidden doors of your inner being? Abraham Lincoln has the key.
- I don t know about you, but I sure as heck don t want to look like a strange dude
- If you suffer from bad credit, you have 3 options: do nothing
- DO RE MI FA FA FA FA FA MI MI MI MI RE RE MI RE SOL MI MI MI MI MI MI MI SOL DO RE MI FA FA FA FA FA MI MI MI SOL SOL FA RE DO GO TELL
- Who Else Wants To Drive around using WATER as FUEL and LAUGH
- Tree Tree Tree Tree Tree Tree Tree “Stop “Stop “Stop “Stop “Stop “Stop “Stop traps, traps, traps, traps, traps, traps, traps,
- It s a FACT - Most Doctors, Nutrition Experts , Celebrity Chefs and Best Selling Authors are DEAD
- it was absolutely useless. Thanks
- That s a parent s worst nightmare: A child
- Maybe you often get angry and say words
- I noticed that my hair grew faster from spending time in my pyramid.
- I have been in the deepest, darkest valleys of bodybuilding hell, and on the brightest mountain peaks of glorious bodybuilding success. I
- LEARN TO FORGIVE YOURSEL LEARN TO FORGIVE YOURSEL LEARN TO FORGIVE YOURSEL LEARN TO FORGIVE YOURSELFFFF
- I Will Make Certain You Never Buy Knives Again
(via subpixels)
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the cuil theory
jesus CHRIST
tHIS IS THE SINGLE MOST BRILLIANT THING I HAVE EVER HEARD I WAS IN HYSTERICS AT 2 CUIL
y this
omfg
(via knightless)
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THIS IS JUST LIKE THAT PART IN SHIFTY GRADES OF FEY WHERE CALCIUM FEY CHUNNELS INTO ANTISEPTUM COBALT’S FLANGE SORREL SO HARD THAT HER QUIMBERING TOVES FLITCH AND HEAVE UNTIL SHE GRUDDERS INTO A COMA.
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That awkward moment when you find something in your handwriting that you don’t remember writing.
Then while you’re reading, you’re just like:
Oh goodness, I’ve got pages and pages of this stuff. Let me dig a few choice quotes out of this stack of binder paper here…
- If it has horns, don’t listen to it. Something like that.
- I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT
- Don’t give me that Mother Teresa act. Everybody’s looking for something.
- Stanford-Fisch. That’s a company so white it gets a tan going for a smoke break.
And those are the more coherent scraps. Dig a little further into the pile and you might just run into such gems as:
mystery- mystery/detective novel is as ever/as usual one after another, recently/nowadays by [scratched out]
- I something like to come uninvited even if/however/no matter how
- he [illegible]
- Surely/undoubtedly/certainly attractive/charming him [scratched out],
Sun
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Today my mom wasn’t home, so my eight year old sister asked me to set some words for her so she could write her daily sentences. I knew she did them every day, but I’ve never bothered to read them before.
My sister is a lot of things. She’s extremely smart, fairly quiet, and absolutely hilarious. But today I learned two new things about her:
a) my sister does not have a way with the written word
b) my sister is addicted to crack cocaine
I don’t know what the fuck she’s smoking but I want in on it sweet baby jesus I did not know what to do with myself while I was reading some of these
what is wrong with her
I don’t even understand what some of these mean
(things you should know: I am natalie, and her “silkys” are two little silk & velveteen blankets she’s slept with since she was born.)
Oh my God, I love little kids so much. They just say the weirdest shit all the time and it’s fantastic
(via these-shackleson)
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possibly the greatest poem ever written by a first grader
Persons
People can walk
but not
handsanitizers
Because
handsanitizers
don’t
have
legs(via these-shackleson)
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“ Messages espoused, implied, hinted, replied.
Plaid flowers and pretty ducks causing raucous reliable babbling, dabbling - indirectly selecting, memory foam for breakfast, following precedent of the silver chained necklace.
Executive choices, fleeting ebuliance at passing celebratory voices.
Sorrow and joy, two sides of the same broken toy, no laughing game involved.
Hearts axis tilted, lovers never jilted, just drift apart one day, may you never wish to say you gave that gift away, as if by force like angular momentum, around another entwined, by resolute resolve, remain to revolve.While faces outside the window are fogging up the pane, looking in confused, wishing for the outlet, the one, their moon, turned away, refused. Swoon.
Approved in pain, who can tear apart two people when by cumulative gravity… they yet remain?Because a card laid is a card played, queens, in jacks or better and trips to win.
Hearts pieces in checkmate, as one part implied, replayed, memory imparted, departed ‘fore we met, static rendering of dynamic choices, fate destiny or mysterious ways, vitality, no need of passion plays, it’s reruns some days, the next, firefly is cancelled; a particle of a person, electrons traveling ‘cross neurons, chemical memories, scent, sight and sounds, internally evolved, no externalities involved.
Two bodies in space, masses made by selection, obey one rule; around, in orbit: you both must revolve.Trains roll overthread, overhead, unheard, moonlight dances blue dim-bright like broken semaphore transmissions by led light. Garments rended, hearts, and embarrassed faces reddened, may the broken hearts find stitches, endure, ending mended: mass marriage papers readied.
Mystery solved.
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.— infinite intimation
